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6. The Point


It is rare to just have one.

Written Thursday January 23, 2020 / Day 164 / Late Morning


We all have a point to our lives. Our professions propel us forward - to a better job, more recognition, greater satisfaction. We have a family to manage - to direct. In our time, children to teach and guide. Interests in which we have a passion - objectives in travel or greater improvements to our home.


All these things give us the point in our lives - why we do what we do.


Everything in us is driven by one point or another. And when one is achieved - there are always others to engage us.


I was musing on my lack of direction as I always am and realized that all my points had a central theme. I’m not sure if my situation was typical. Perhaps in one sense it was a bit extreme.


All my points had a central theme. Everything I was doing - the majority if not all the points in my life had one common theme.


That was my dear sweetie.


In assessing what in the world my life is now suppose to be - I have found that I do not have a lot of clarity about one of the key aspects of my life.


That would be me.


I have no idea of me right now.


It seems that I directed all of my energies through my sweetie to reach my points. She was the reason behind most if not all of the points of my life.


Although it might sound a bit hokey, I did everything for her. And not because I had to, or she demanded it. None of that was true.


I did it for her. Because she was everything to me. I always have to emphasize that statement because I think it gets passed over - no I mean in everything.


Because I wanted to do everything for her.


In the past 5 volumes there is ample information on our special and unique relationship.


I made her my point because she was worth making her the point. I couldn’t help myself because our connection was so powerful.


As I look back to everything in our life together - I see how powerful it was.


She was worth all of that effort. I knew that from the beginning. And despite what life threw at us, despite our human issues that are common to us all, despite the frustrations life would throw at us - the disappointments and all that - we were together. We were one.


Now as this becomes clear to me - my dilemma is even more profound.


Now that the point of my life has been removed - what do I really have here?


Outsiders as I frequently mention (and again, I was in this category so I speak from experience as well) are perplexed that I have no direction.


No, I mean I absolutely have no direction.


It’s not that, “Well, now you can do that [whatever] you always wanted to pursue but were not able to.”.


It is not that because I had none of that. It was all her.

And as I assess what a future might look like - I can only project to tomorrow. Or until the next appointment on the schedule I must honor.


That is about it for the moment.


All my points - were her points. Without her - I have none. All the meaningful things had her at their center. It is abhorrent right now to consider any of them without her. They were our points - not mine.


As I was being attacked recently by all of the elements in our home - that is now my home alone - I was becoming overwhelmed by their song. The unfulfilled, the not to be, the next steps that would not be taken.


It struck me quite deeply that all these elements were our points.

The thought then came that I want all these points to strengthen me because they were our points. Whatever their status - they were special - they now have her in them. And my prayer is that our love that was folded into all those points would reach out and lift me up.


Because Love is not sad. And I reject sadness. Of course that is a struggle I will be facing but I will be fighting it. I have to. The love these points represent is good. It is powerful - and I pray that power is released to propel me forward.

To something that only God knows and is preparing for me.


Whatever those new points will be.


I will always have the points that brought me here by the strength of God’s love that we shared - and that I will carry on to the new points of my life.


Whatever they will be.

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