Six

The Road Traveled

Six years ago today was the worst day of my life. It is amazing on this day to reflect on that fact. For from the ashes of that awful day has come the beauty of this new day.

A day that has begun in a totally new life. I do not mean just a reorganized life, a refurbished life or even a revitalized life.

I mean a totally new life.

And while the life is new, grief is still a part of it. Except now grief has taken its rightful place in my history. A state of mind that was overwhelming, intolerable and unyielding has now become a reference to a time that has passed.

The contentions with the “new life” I always fought now reduced to historic markers along the route of the grief journey.

God, of course, being the reference point within all of it. From the “still small voice” I often heard during those tumultuous days to the reassuring voice I now hear that calms and settles.

Challenges in the new life are there - they must be because we dwell in a broken place where everything is broken except for the salt and light we bring to it.

A new family in Christ has appeared and has been an unexpected blessing. The unprecedented a regular occurrence in the new life that is, well, new.

New is nothing you have ever experienced. When you receive a new item, it is new - something you have never experienced. That is why the truly new things in life are actually fresh, compelling and uplifting. They are nothing you have experienced before.

That goes along with challenges as well. Those can be new as well. Testing your thoughts and ideas. Stretching your consciousness to embrace new perspectives.

In those awful days of grief I experienced an idea that there would be a new life someday. But beyond that thought the idea of something new showing up, the reality of that time quite effectively stomping that idea into the ground.

You see twelve had an immense power over me. It was a reminder of the trauma, the loss and the absence of what once was. It was too much to take.

Now, however, twelve is just another number. In perspective that is amazing when considering what was.

But it is nothing when considering God knew of this day and that the new life would arrive despite my resistance to that idea.

In the past life I was dogmatic on many things. In this new life I was challenged to test those assertions and determine what was actually true.

I found that in Christ I have discovered what really matters. What has brought healing and what honors the God I have served and who has graciously saved my life.

When you get enough miles on you, there comes a point where you can see the wheat and the chaff of your life. The richness that was there. The amazing people God sent to be a part of it. And when it was time, to follow Gods calling to a new place.

Because after all, it is His calling we receive. And His calling leads to His purpose for our lives.

This new place then, does not diminish the old in any way. It lifts up the best of those times that have added to what we are today. And while time, space and emotion prevented embracing those times, they are now honored in that they are the foundation of the present.

The good we have in us does not come from us. We have nothing to offer at all except a love for our savior. Yet the good God put in the best moments of our past makes us what we are today.

And added to the newness that I have experienced in this new life - only honors the best of those foundational days as I press on to the high calling that Jesus has given to me - as well as honoring all of you who were a part of those times.